Yesterday, I took Micha to the UNT vs. Arkansas State football game. It ended up being a complete ass-whipping on my school’s part, as the Mean Green rolled over the Indians 58-14. This isn’t the first time I’ve witnessed my school beat up a conference patsie, and after each such victory I have jokingly said something to the effect of “This is the greatest day of my life!” Funny I should mention that.
After the game, Micha needed to swing by the grocery store, so I took her to the fancy Denton Kroger. While she was performing the frustrating miracle of self-checkout, I busied myself with exploring the scratch-off lottery vending machine. A ticket caught my eye: $2 Fast Tracks scratch-off with Dale Jr.’s mug pasted all over it. I bit. I bought. I fumed: “Goddamnit, this is a Jeff Burton scratch-off. False advertising!” Somewhere in the world, the wind was whispering in a South Park-like voice, “Shennagins!”
We return to my truck Kilgore and prepare to scratch the ticket when we detect a physical bump into the truck! I look left, Micha looks right. Nothing, noone, nada is near my car, noone opened a car door into it, noone hit us, anything. It would turn out to be opportunity knocking, or as Micha put it, “Lady luck running smack dab into my ass.”
Winning numbers to match are 4 and 17. First number I reveal via the miracle of scratching: 4. The prize: $50. I quickly fail my saving throw against disbelief and Micha confirms that yes, for once, I have gained something for nothing. I keep scratching: every number is either a 4 or a 17, and I win a grand total of two-hundred bucks!
I am now a Jeff Burton fan.
And yes, lobster is on me!