12 Ounce Can of Red Bull

While playing soccer with my club team “The Mama’s Boys”, a curious car drove up to one of our pre-games. It was a speck of a vehicle, topped with a giant faux can of Red Bull. Out jumped a hottie who asked if we’d care to indulge in a sample of energy drink (first hit’s free!). All of us, being the invincible young male adults we believed we were, said hell yes. For the rest of the season, she returned for each of our Denton home games, and she was such a constant presence that we felt that Red Bull was basically our sponsor!

So naturally, I kept one of the cans for the time capsule. This turned out to be a mistake.

30 years of sugar reduction leads to nature’s glue.

When I opened the time capsule and took inventory, I noticed that the Red Bull can would not budge. I thought it might be wedged into some tight spot, but when I removed everything it remained firmly glued to the inside wall.

It turns out that the can had leaked, spoiling some of its neighboring curiosities. And the liquid had obviously evaporated over time, leaving behind a sugary tar-like substance that I kept getting all over my hands.

8.4 ounces of pure energy condensed, in the palm of my hand!

Luckily, the damage was fairly limited — although some paper material had been deluged & ended up stuck to each other, it wasn’t hard to separate it with a knife, and any words remained legible.

Red Bull: it gives you wings slime!

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